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Wednesday, October 29
i will not die by jude
I Will Not Die
It only hurts me when I'm awake
It seems to die with dreaming
And there's only so much that I can fake
When my whole life's careening down
I will not die
It only kills me 'cause I'm alive
and living this disaster
And it's all I can do now to survive
I live to beat my master down
I will not die
Down I will not die
When I'm well I long to be
Only in love with you
But I guess I'll never be whole
And you know it's true
It does not stop me that we all die
I know this trip's to slaughter
But if only I could let me cry
I feel the healing water roll down
I will not die
Down I will not die
Down I will not die
i will not back down from then odds against me. i rather die trying than die a coward.
zhen slammed at 18:40
***
Tuesday, October 28
confusion...failure?
my life have jus been turn topsy turvy.
first is the big thing abt worrying abt prelims results. then when i get then i get worried abt how much will be moderation be. now i got the results i worry abt wat jc i can go. now with only less than a week left to Os i still got loads of stuff left to study.
i have jus found out that my sis is that lagging behind in her studies and me being the eldest have to help her. the more i help her i worse i feel abt myself. for ignoring her studies to the extend that she dun even noe how to use 'despite' and 'even'. really dun noe wat i doing as a eldest in the family. then i walk out and see my other sis being insensitive to the extend that she switched on the tv so loud jus to listen to the chinese orchestra playing. then my mother so engrossed with her tai chi and her chinese novels and not lending any help. really makes think wat kind of family i belong to.
my parents object to me going to sa cos they think it is a v slack sch as my cousin got retained there this yr. they also think i will fall into bad influence there. then the other sch of choice will be aj and i refuse to go there. no way.anyway after Os then think abt it.
then i feel so confused to the extend of feeling like a failure. fail to do well in anything. i feel stupid to think this way but i am. and i have been nursing this damn headache for e-yon time liao. headaches seems to be coming to be at a higher frequency...
zhen slammed at 17:41
***
Saturday, October 11
blank
have u ever felt that yr brain is a blank?
jus cannot feel any emotions in yr body, brain, and heart?
maybe those kind of short term emotions
like when the results r not wat u expected
and u feel upset
i jus heck
is that good?
walking around like a zombie
with no emotions and no life.
and being controlled by another v much stronger force
maybe after O then it's all over.
the night is long with the emptiness in it.
zhen slammed at 12:41
***
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