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zhen
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Thursday, August 26
my life suck pretty much now. dunno y suddenly these 2 wks have been damn hectic. cca refuses to stop cos of mr lim whu insisted that this wk we have trg 3 times a wk is cos of some trg which we missed long time ago and we have to make up for it. so we have to have trg all the way till the sept hols then whu know wat will be the funny trg schedule like when the promos end. hahah i dun wan to think of it yet. still got alot of admin stuff to do in table tennis...a rgghhhh all the past work pushed down u snrs...dumb.
have only been reaching hoem at round 7++8 or even later these 2 wks. nto that i wan it too but then it seems like life jus happen to have its twists and turns. but i find studying in sch much more productive than studying at home. but my muum jus dun seems to trust or believe that i am actually studyign in sch and nto playign ard and purposely nto gg home. hahah home to me is jus another battlefield where shouts and insults r hurled across no man's land. like wat i have said be4 only thsoe closest to u and those which u grow up with like and only yr family can push all yr buttons till u really explode. coming home yest at 10 i jus wanted to sit in front of the com to watch amazing race and only to hear insults and accusations from mym sis due to my misuse of one preposition. so wat? nto like i really wanted it this way. i still rmb clearly wat she said last night. somehow it got stuck in my mind. "i rather talked it out with u all than have faked peace running in the family" this was after i screamed at her to shut up have have some peace and quiet in the house. thank god my mum was not at hoem at tt time or she will jus joined in with the commotion. in reply, i said "i rather have faked peace than no peace in the house". then i went to my rm slammed my door and kinda of left my two other sibling out there to kill each other with their words. hahaaa maybe it is cos i din have much of a good relationship with them when they were young resulting in them nto having any respect for me. btu i have to say not tt i have no respect for them. i respect my sis for being so damn hardworking which is smth i will never achieve. irespect my othere sis for beign so happy in life with no concrete worries. but i guess it is the other side of the coin which i am worried abt. studyign too much and resulting to use theories to applies to real life situations. thinking that the world is always so perfect that she is always in the right. having to worries in life when everyoen ard u r worried abt u and yr life.
i really dunno wat to do with my siblings. maybe the love which is supposed to exist in every family is not made clear enough in mine? maybe i am jus being too stubborn and dun wan to listen to their worries? maybe they r the ones whu dun wan to tell me their worries? or jus that there is a generations gap or rather thinking gap betw me and them which results in this disharmony which will jus simmer and boil over every few days.
cannot get down to studying at home these days. haven really been online much yet jus cannot sit at the table and study. dunno y too. arggghhhhhh my life have so many question marks and so much potholes which i too dun even know of it until i dropped into it.
okok. shall cut it out liao. cannot think too much..will jus kill me be4 the real death comes. i wan to live my life to the fullest. jus think there is some serious decisions to be made soon. really have to think abt wat i wan abt my life in the future.
ya beavan..having a bf will be real gd.
zhen slammed at 20:45
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